The Divorce Force

I was born and raised in the Philippines. I do not consider myself completely conservative, but I am also not liberated. I grow up with parents of different religious backgrounds. We heard mass in the Catholic and Methodist churches alternately when I was a kid. Perhaps, it was my dad’s moving to the States that made us choose to go down the Catholic route. Nonetheless, his and his church’s religious influences can definitely be seen in us. The bottom line is, we believe in a God and have Christian values.

Why am I saying this? Well, the universe has, once again, humored me with one of its ironies. As if I haven’t had enough in my life. I am currently working at a law office that deals every single day with divorce. I had a Catholic wedding. In a cathedral. I value the sanctity of marriage. I am strongly against divorce. Perhaps, it was God telling me to open my mind…again.

Just to give the non-Filipino readers some sort of trivia, there is no divorce in the Philippines. Not even legal separation. The only way out of a marriage is death or a very lengthy (and expensive) annulment.

On my first day at work, I was warned about having to deal with phone calls and/or office visits from angry people. Obviously, these are the parties that are going through a very complicated litigation AND a roller coaster of emotions. That old saying kept buzzing in my head, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting his personal battle”…or something like that. Nonetheless, you need more than that for a mantra. The key to surviving a job like this is to learn not take anything personal. Although, THIS job is personal. Personal lives made public. But it is their personal lives presented meticulously, down to the very minute detail, by their lawyers for the county court to see. In short, this isn’t about me. This is about them. Of course, there are people who simply can’t get that. Self-absorption can’t get you anywhere here.

Also, on my first day on the job, I kept reminding myself what my dear friend Jane Smith always tells me. Trabaho lang. It’s just a job. Unless you’re doing something highly significant to alter the world for the better, you don’t have to be yourself, i.e. passionate, too much.

Okay. So, it’s been a month and I have successfully calmed and pacified the negative energy that the people bring around. I wish I can do that with my personal relationships, but like I said, it’s always harder when it’s personal. The job, for a typical sensitive Cancer like me, is heavy. I actually would prefer not knowing too much about the cases. The names of the parties involved are already too much information. But, part of the job is to learn all about the nitty-gritty (from the kids’ school and extra-curricular expenses to a thoroughly itemized grocery list).

I can’t imagine having my life laid bare for everyone to see like that. No, no. I can’t imagine having to fight my husband, the same person I vowed in the house of the Lord and in front of my family and friends to love until my very last breath, in court where a judge decides when our marriage is over. But that’s just me. That’s just how I’m wired. I’m not judging the people who decide to get a divorce. Maybe it’s for the best. Or at least I’m praying it would turn out to be for the best.

On an IM with a newly-engaged friend, also a Filipina Catholic and an anti-divorce, we talked about doing everything you can to make the marriage work. At some point, I went on saying that I think, I think, that everything is fixable unless it’s about fidelity (yes, here I go again) and/or domestic violence. Putting some thought on what I said, she said she understood what I meant. And then she asked, what if Um falls short on one of those two things? Honestly, I don’t know. And I sure as hell do NOT want to find out.

On a positive note, the people I work with are the brightest and shiniest employees in the world. I am telling you! A month in and I haven’t seen and heard one who bitched out and badmouthed a co-worker. They’re the friendliest, most professional and most mannered people I’ve ever met in a mentally and emotionally stressful work environment. Like I said, irony. Aren’t you a fan?

Bonus Humor: There’s a lawyer in the office who looks like Paris Hilton.