I am moving this post from my old blog and I realized now, 14 months after our engagement, almost 5 months after our church wedding, we have fallen quite short of these house rules. Chef and I have disagreements, as a lot of couples out there. The degree of my temper can go as high as the degree of my ability to love. I always tell him, it’s the same passionate being in me who could love so much so blindly that can probably burst into flames in anger.

But, what Chef and I have, which many of you have too, is the commitment. We created these house rules not to make sure we’ll stick to that commitment, but actually to remember to be kind. When we are faced with challenges in our relationship, sometimes, we can be harsh. I can be harsh. And in those moments, I forget that it’s not about me against him, so why do I try to hurt him? In reality, we live for each other now.

We need to revisit these house rules and establish them again, especially in this new house. I know we’ve matured in our relationship somewhat, but we have a long way to go. At least we communicate well enough to talk things out (even if sometimes the message is sent too loud). We just have to remember to be kind to each other.

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Published: April 20, 2009

A day before our engagement, Chef and I had a major fight. Major. Bigger than any that we’ve had in the past. Too scary, really.

But, we all know we’re past that and I really don’t want to recount a horrible experience.

Now, we are happily engaged with so much to look forward to – a vacation in Spain in a month, wedding planning, life, etc., etc., etc.

But before we actually were able to move on, we had written down house rules both to prevent a fight like what we had, and to know how we both want each other to act in an event of a fight.

The ones we came up with are probably ones in every couple’s rule book. Here’s some that are on our list:

_ During a fight discussion, no more name calling.

_ If we have a problem with each other, write a letter.

_ Issues MUST be resolved before bed time.

_ No more walking out of a fight discussion.

_ No more throwing material objects (pillows okay).

_ There is only ONE objective: TO RESOLVE DIFFERENCES. It is never about winning.

_ Keep discussion within the context of the problem at hand. Save other issues for another discussion.

_ Never give each other the opportunity to be suspicious.

And the list goes on for two more pages. We try to review them every night. I guess it’s to prepare for our married life. We’re having a Catholic wedding – divorce is not an option.

We haven’t taken out our panini grill in a long time! (Oooh, idea for a Kitchen Toys post!) A hot panini reminds us of summer so it’s probably been a year since we last used this. The weather is still a bit weird – it was raining yesterday, and it’s supposed to be spring but it’s really hot outside. So, I guess weather-wise, that was the trigger.

This is very simple to make, believe me, I could have made this. But of course, it’s Chef’s simple elegant touches that make the difference. With egg and ham are just some tomatoes and mixed greens. Little details include capers and of course, the gorgonzola cheese. These two ingredients add that nice bitterness to each bite that to me balanced off the strength of the egg that can be cholesterol-y . The multi-grain sourdough bread was lightly buttered outside so that we can get the grill marks. And here we are! A beautiful panini reminiscent of my trips to Europe. The avocado on the side was what made it homey.

Woohoo! I found a recipe for roasted chicken legs with lemon and green olives, so I thought, hey, I know I can replace some of the ingredients with stuff I know I have in our kitchen. So, the recipe became roasted chicken wings with lemon and garlic. And I knew as I read the recipe one million times before I began that this wouldn’t take me long to prepare, especially that Chef was going to be home in 30 minutes.

Easily, I combined olive oil, thyme, red pepper flakes, salt, and basil (not in the original recipe, but a personal favorite spice). I got down and dirty and I actually touched the food! I usually prefer using utensils but the recipe called for rubbing the mixture onto the meat. After that, I just lined them up on my pre-heated pan, and oh, the aroma and the sound of the chicken roasting was to die for. Half-way through, I actually squeezed my lemons on the chicken. The recipe actually only used the lemon on the side, but I, well, just to say that I did something on my own, I used the lemon juice on the chicken, and I also added some garlic on my roast.

And voila!

I tell you, Chef was beyond surprised. He was so proud of me because I really cooked the chicken to perfection. I have watched enough Chopped to come up with the idea of having the chicken sit on a bed of potatoes, also roasted in the same pan. See, this is where I used my random knowledge of scientific facts. The recipe did not say to add potatoes in the pan, but I did because potatoes absorb the fat. Chef prefers not to have the skin. But, the skin became less greasy with the potatoes in there. And, they were crispy too.

Chef was so surprised that he upped his game the next day. He made some elaborate Italian egg soup breakfast. I guess we can have a little kitchen competition of our own.

Roasted Lemon Chicken

In creating this site, Ms C and I pretty much established the staged we are in – somewhere between domesticated and non-domesticated. How much in between, of course, varies with the two of us. Ms C has been married forever it seems, and already a parent. I have been married for 8 months, no kids. Our miss reAAction is proudly single, miss hazehung’s already got the experience with a long marriage, and miss chiniebeenie is a new wife who just gave birth. We’re women in different stages of our lives – different situations, thus different views. Despite the regular ups and downs of our lives, we’re happy where we are.

I guess I’m really more amazed at how many different views there are on where women stand on where they want to be, how they want to live their lives, and who they want to have around them. The women in our Jane Austen novels were so domesticated that their quest in life was to be even more domesticated by finding a husband. Gone are those days because really, these days, we don’t define other lives based on how we live our own, or how our heroines did.

I know a girl a year younger than me, been married two years, no kids yet but wants to have some, also career driven and doing quite well. We’re basically similar in our views. Except that she has criticized me as materialistic for oh, you know, my occasional splurging on the finer things in this world. You know what I’ll say to that? I’d say I’d still want that girl’s story in this blog.

Well, this was of course a random musing. Obviously, I have been reading previous posts. Whether we are nursing a child, cramming for homework, decorating a house, climbing the corporate ladder, cooking dinner, eating supper, making love, tweeting, doing our make-up, and whatever else we do, as Ms C mentioned in a previous post, TO EACH HIS OWN, or HER OWN. No need to criticize, no need to respect either. Only acknowledgement is necessary.

This goal started with the house rule that whoever doesn’t cook must wash the dishes. I hate that rule. Of course it’s fair, but I hate it! Because it’s a sure loss for me since Chef is, well, the chef in the family, and I, I eat. When Chef cooks, he goes all Chef-y on me with one million pots and the use of our large serving plates. And I have to wash them all because they can’t go in the dishwasher. Everyday since we’ve been living together that I had to do the dishes, I remember our maids in the Philippines and how I wish I could easily grant my nanny’s request to bring her here.

Anyhoo, I really need to cook so that the tables will be turned. So, I got this “best of” magazine with just a bunch of recipes. Notice how I didn’t grab one of Chef’s books. I actually bought a magazine because I had to set a realistic goal. Baby steps, right. But, since the rule does not specify the magnitude or grandeur of a dish, as long as I’m the one making the dish, I don’t have to wash the dishes.

This brings me to my second goal. Since the wedding, I have gained 7 pounds. That’s a massive 7 pounds for me because that is 7% my normal weight! I biked around the neighborhood for two consecutive days. I pigged out today. I have to work out tomorrow. Seriously.

To some people, this is easy and would come naturally. But to me it takes such effort! With regards to the exercise goal, I don’t get motivated by the “It’s summertime, I want to look good in my swimsuit” kind of mantra. It’s because I’m pretty okay and I really don’t care. But, with a brand new kitchen that we seem to just gravitate to all the time, I have to control myself, otherwise, I see roundness in my future! Yikes!

Well, here we go.

Today, I just put away all my homeowner’s documents away, all the documents that I received from that Escrow lady when we signed. As I learned and as I mentioned on my Signing post, closing is actually not when you sign the title and all that. The actual closing comes a couple of days later. Basically, closing is when your name is on the record for the property as received by the City. And then,they close your file.

For us, the closing came four days later and it felt like forever. The builders told us that we will close even if the items we found during the walkthrough were not completed yet. However, the mortgage bank people said they’ll send the money to the Escrow people as soon as the builders complete all the walkthrough items. I just let them argue among themselves. So to me, I said forget it, I’ll just stop thinking about it and stop emailing my mortgage lender for updates, because I’m sure they’ll call me when it’s ready.

Finally, I got a one-liner email that was so significant: “We are on record.” Even then I still haven’t done my Phoebe Buffay-esque celebratory dance. An hour later, I got a call to pick up the keys. Because Chef was at work, I picked it up myself. I didn’t go to the house immediately because my father had a move-in tradition that I wanted to follow.

So I had time to just hold the keys, look at it, even took a few pictures. There it was. Three sets of keys. And I was looking at it thinking, these little guys are my tools for passage to the second biggest commitment I have ever taken in my life (first was when I said “I do” to Chef ). Commitments are huge, obviously, and they scare the crap out of me. But then again, these huge steps are such defining moments in our lives. A house, or even a dwelling, that you own takes you to a whole other level of domestication. Scary, as I said, but I took it. I embraced it. And even if our main driver for this move was because we needed a tax break (seriously, been paying too much taxes! LOL!), there are added perks. Perks such as the title with our names on it. Another reason to pop the champagne – so I can use the builder’s wine bottle opener gift.

We were on record. We’re now proud homeowners.

Come on equity! Ha!

Here’s to growing up!!

reAAction is a friend of Ms B, who greatly shares with us the enthusiasm and excitement we have for this blog. Read more about her at our Meet the Friends section where you’ll also find information about her personal blog. Do follow her sexy, sultry, humorous and interesting oh-my-God-she-did-not-just-say-that tweets on Twitter! You’re gonna love her!!!

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this post are strictly those of the blog post author, reAAction.

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My friends would have been surprised to see me making French toast, bright and early on a Sunday morning.  They would be even more surprised to know that I was actually cooking for someone other than myself.

Let’s get a couple of things clear here: I was cooking for my little cousin and French toast is as good as it gets with me.  The kitchen is not my domain by any means, but I do wish the opposite were true.  In any case, why would my friends be so shocked?  They know me.  They know that the kitchen is not where I belong.  In fact, a good friend of mine told me many years ago, “I just don’t see you as being domestic.”  Poof! Just like that, what I had known for some time materialized into those words.

So there I was, cooking, entertaining a child, and cleaning up after him.  I sat down with my coffee in the kitchen as he wandered off to play video games and thought, “Wow.  This life is so not for ME.”  By “this life” I mean that of a wife and mother.  The domesticated woman bears so much responsibility.  It’s exhausting just thinking about what roles a woman must fulfill once she’s the “lady of the house.”  I think about cleaning and cooking and pursuing a career and maintaining a healthy relationship with my husband (if I choose to ever get married…but that’s a different topic) and keeping my individuality and spending time with my friends and family and maybe even starting my own family and and AND it goes on and on.  Are you kidding me?

Some women are rooted by their desires.  They were meant to be anchored by a man (or woman) and a family and all this domesticated bliss is housed and fenced off in that ideal 3.5 bedroom house in the suburbs.  Some women just want to roam free.  I am of the latter….for now.  I want lazy Sunday mornings for me.

I had this big misconception that the big day, the signing, was the end of the home-buying process, when I will get the keys and be allowed to move-in. So, what I thought was the date to remember was the incorrect date to remember.

Nonetheless, the signing process of course meant that the end of the process was near. Everyone said that this was the quickest home-buying experience they have heard of. We signed the title only 20 days after we signed the contract. There we were, Chef and I, fashionably late as usual, but thankfully only for 10 minutes. We were greeted by this huge welcome sign in which the last names of the new home-owners scheduled to sign their titles today had been posted.

Over the phone, I was told that we were going to go over all the documents, which, according to the nice lady, will probably take about 2 hours. TWO HOURS?!?! That is some stack of documents! Thankfully, it only took us an hour and a half. We sure covered a lot of ground: where the money is going, what I am really entitled to, yada yada yada. I did finally learn what Escrow is. In my own words, they’re the mediator/administrator people.

And, finally, I got my own copy of all the papers, now in this thick home-owner’s documents envelope. For a bit, I felt annoyed that I have a separate stack of papers, just as thick as the Escrow lady had – hello?! what about the trees? But, I was over that pretty quickly with my OCD-self always diligently keeping records of everything.

So, forgive me trees, but woohoo! We signed our title!

As I was cramming to do my homework because I had no Internet (waaaaahhhh!) for two days, I told Chef, I’m hungry. Five minutes later, he came back with this simple yet gourmet snack. It’s basically just ham and cheese, but with pretty special little additions.

On waffle crackers or some wheat bread, there’s your basic deli ham, cheddar cheese, brie, a piece of tomato, a piece of avocado, some capers, topped with fig spread.

Oh, an explosion of flavors! Is it salty, is it bitter, is it sweet, is it creamy?! It’s all of those and it’s fabulously great! My mouth is watering right now just remembering the flavors! Give it a try and let us know what you think!

During the walkthrough, I had all the qualities I have on my resume at full-force: thorough, keen attention to detail, outstanding communication skills. Every little thing had to be inspected and boy did we do just that – for any chips, for any marks, for anything that needs caulking, repainting, realigning. We caught it all. This was my environment and I had every right to be picky. And no, I was not apologetic for pinpointing every little thing that I felt was wrong, or even, could be done better. Chef did a good job himself. He caught three windows without screens.

I must say, I felt a little bad for the two construction workers following us around to correct all that we were able to single out, however minute. I mean, at work, my attention to detail just brings me more work because I have to correct it myself. For the three hours that we were walking around the house, it felt good being the boss where everyone seemed to be ready and waiting for my command.

The walkthrough went well, except for 2 major errors: wrong appliances and wrong fireplace design. The appliances were easily replaced to the stainless steel that we ordered. The fireplace has to be reconstructed. I feel a little bad but really, we want what we ordered, and I was glad that Chef wasn’t his usual self of being the nice guy of just accommodating the mistake. Nope, of course not. He’s a designer. He is very strict with his design choices – do not give him traditional when he orders contemporary.

Just a couple more steps and we should be done with this process!