Moving Posts: House Rules

I am moving this post from my old blog and I realized now, 14 months after our engagement, almost 5 months after our church wedding, we have fallen quite short of these house rules. Chef and I have disagreements, as a lot of couples out there. The degree of my temper can go as high as the degree of my ability to love. I always tell him, it’s the same passionate being in me who could love so much so blindly that can probably burst into flames in anger.

But, what Chef and I have, which many of you have too, is the commitment. We created these house rules not to make sure we’ll stick to that commitment, but actually to remember to be kind. When we are faced with challenges in our relationship, sometimes, we can be harsh. I can be harsh. And in those moments, I forget that it’s not about me against him, so why do I try to hurt him? In reality, we live for each other now.

We need to revisit these house rules and establish them again, especially in this new house. I know we’ve matured in our relationship somewhat, but we have a long way to go. At least we communicate well enough to talk things out (even if sometimes the message is sent too loud). We just have to remember to be kind to each other.

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Published: April 20, 2009

A day before our engagement, Chef and I had a major fight. Major. Bigger than any that we’ve had in the past. Too scary, really.

But, we all know we’re past that and I really don’t want to recount a horrible experience.

Now, we are happily engaged with so much to look forward to – a vacation in Spain in a month, wedding planning, life, etc., etc., etc.

But before we actually were able to move on, we had written down house rules both to prevent a fight like what we had, and to know how we both want each other to act in an event of a fight.

The ones we came up with are probably ones in every couple’s rule book. Here’s some that are on our list:

_ During a fight discussion, no more name calling.

_ If we have a problem with each other, write a letter.

_ Issues MUST be resolved before bed time.

_ No more walking out of a fight discussion.

_ No more throwing material objects (pillows okay).

_ There is only ONE objective: TO RESOLVE DIFFERENCES. It is never about winning.

_ Keep discussion within the context of the problem at hand. Save other issues for another discussion.

_ Never give each other the opportunity to be suspicious.

And the list goes on for two more pages. We try to review them every night. I guess it’s to prepare for our married life. We’re having a Catholic wedding – divorce is not an option.