Homesick

There is so much about moving to a different country than just getting yourself familiar with your surroundings and getting homesick. There is a lot more about it when the sudden change of scenario shows no resemblance at all of the things that you are used to.

I grew up in one of the metro areas in Manila. Think New York or San Francisco or Los Angeles. Some kind of like that. But, of course, the three US cities are better (two of which I can attest to…I have NOT been to NYC!!!). Anyway, my last residential location in the Philippines was in close proximity of two broadcasting networks, was surrounded by restaurants of different world cuisines, sinful dessert bars and class A beauty salons, was in front of a mini-entertainment complex with a grocery store, shoe store, camera shop, …I can go on and on.

The hustle and bustle of the big city is a huge part of me. The noise. The traffic. The chaos. The people. That’s nature for me. I guess that is why I appreciate the serenity that the beach offers so much. The contrasting environments of the two are my perfect blend.

I sleep better with strobe lights dancing through my window and the distant beats from the club across the street. And kids jumping on the bed.

I miss going out unplanned. Here, why does everything have to be planned?!

I miss having to call someone or being called randomly and asked for a cup of (decaf) coffee, play date, movie, lunch/dinner (that lasts for 4-5 hours), shopping, drinks, dancing, gigs, ANYTHING.

I miss Greek and Persian cuisines!!! Why are there NO Greek and Persian restaurants in this city?

I miss my impromptu tequila-based nights (sometimes, afternoons) with my SIL – I have three SILs…I need to think of names for each of them.

I miss impromptu hangouts at my rapper friend, Beetlejuice’s, place. The same way I miss surprise visits at my house when I haven’t cleaned up or taken a shower.

I miss late night movies and snacks at the mall five minutes away from home with Um.

I MISS HAVING ESTABLISHMENTS TO GO TO BEYOND 10 p.m.

I miss the Philippine underground music scene and its talented, happy people. This goes without saying that I miss watching Um rock it out onstage.

I miss going to places where people know my name, knowing people to get me into bars for free, having my name in guest lists with pictures being taken a-la paparazzi by the clubs’ advertisers and promotional staff.

I miss rubbing elbows with actors, directors, producers, musicians, public servants (or sons and daughters of public servants) in a non-I’m-just-an-ordinary-person kind of way. These are friends. Real friends. Not connections.

I miss real intimate conversations, non-casual hugs, sincere how-are-you’s.

I miss sharing thoughts with people without worrying about being judged.

I miss going out without having to explain why – I suppose this should be explained, but I’ll save that for another post.

I miss being me. Or even just being allowed to be me.

Looking at my pictures on Facebook and reading my friends’ comments, I can’t help but draw a cynical smile. I want to tell them to look at me and my everyday life now, and tell me if anything seems like the Ms C they know.